JOIN our nurturing community of faithful women as we grow in our ASD/ADHD relationships!

Thank you so much for providing the group for NT women and the recommended resources! I especially liked the material on attachment, and can now understand my husband’s avoidant style. I realize his brain has practiced self-soothing, rather than seeking comfort from anyone for so many years, that it feels awkward and unnecessary for him to lean in or depend on anyone. Neither does he think anyone should expect comfort from another person, so he is not available to me. Something you have modeled well, is quickly apologizing and forgiving. That comes from a humble heart. My blaming my husband for lack of interaction over the years has caused much personal shame for him. It came from a place of arrogance and judgment on my part. Thank you for helping me see that destructive cycle and helping me stop it, confess it and apologize. We are coming from different perspectives, needs, wounds. Understanding neurodiversity helps me allow him to be different without taking it personally, and without criticism and judgment.

 Being in this group has helped me to adjust expectations to match reality. Many years ago, a counselor said I could be happier if I changed my expectations. At the time I thought, "but why would I change Godly expectations? Wouldn't that be contrary to God's will?" And, "if I stopped expecting any engagement or emotional support from my husband, would I still love him? Would there be any relationship?" I was afraid to try that, so I operated on “hopium” for years. After seeing that I had accumulated disappointment, anger and bitterness in my heart, I was finally ready to face reality. If I expected nothing, I could live in peace instead of repeated disappointment. If I started expecting distance and disregard, I couldn't be easily dysregulated. Any little positive thing could be serendipity and I could be grateful. Meanwhile it gave me freedom to pursue any activity or friendship whenever I wanted to! 

This group helped me understand myself better! I found that when my husband was away, I felt relieved, off duty, happier. I started going out to dinner with friends who actually talked during dinner, and taking girlfriend trips where we laughed, played and had meaningful conversations, or visiting our daughters without him sometimes. I could find happy people and happy places. Now, I love that he keeps our home a quiet stable place, never complains if I go out. I admire his ministry with men and am glad when he is productive and busy. I can be cheerful at home because I am filled up. I don't try to tell him details about my life. I save those chats for someone who enjoys listening. Is this what I envisioned? No! I don't get to have many things I expected, but I do get to choose many other positive things!